Lou Mulford

When I was in grade school my mind never rested.  Creativity ruled in a dervish of conceptual thought that endlessly whirled.  I was, and never have been, bored.

That inventiveness was encouraged and nurtured by equally creative parents.  My father wrote a column for the newspaper. He was also a dabbling cartoonist and had taken interest in the theatre in college.  My mother was a media director for the Norfolk advertising firm Lawler, Ballard and Little and a local actress in the thriving community theatre of Tidewater Virginia.  She had majored in drama at UNC and had her own radio show called “What’s Cooking” in the 40’s.  Anything she put her mind to she could accomplish.

She was a driving force behind my success in all things worthy of risk.  When I had a notion, like my belief that Proctor and Gamble should offer designer toothpaste tubes to make the bathroom look more aesthetically pleasing, she jumped on board with a plan to send my concept off to the company.  I illustrated pictures and she looked up the address for the delivery of my cover letter and design.  Long before Kleenex offered flowery boutique boxes, I had that germ of an idea at ten years old. Regardless of the outcome and no answer from the submission, I felt affirmed.  My mother made me believe in myself.  

I was absolutely in love with her as a child and have visceral memories of longing to be with her all the time.  She loved deeply with tenderness and compassion.  No mom was better for a sick day.  Hand delivered poached eggs and cream of wheat on a tray coupled with a satisfying back scratch were the norm.  She’s a nostalgic saver to a fault.  If my siblings or I gave her something she kept it.  Well, she keeps pretty much everything because of her fierce sentimentality and desire that nothing go to waste.  I found a Revlon eye make-up case in her bathroom one year with a minute sliver of sparkly brown in the bottom.  I was in my mid-twenties at the time. “Mom, I gave this to you in high school!  This isn’t even safe for your eyes.” I scolded.  “But you gave it to me.”  she defended softly, eyes wide with justification.  She still wears the hand painted sweat-shirts I created in the 90’s.  I rarely see a photo of her without one of them proudly arrayed.

She modeled a positive outlook on life that has girded my strength to this day.  She struggled through early heartache losing her mother at age four and her father at eighteen.  She endured a painful divorce when my father ended their marriage and much to their credit the dissolution remained amicable with my mother at the center of the healing.  She allowed my father to come and go as he pleased so he could visit us with no restraints.  I’ve never known anyone more forgiving.

When I left for LA and my theatrical career in 1978, she started her own talent agency in Norfolk.  Talent Connection was the home for many a local actor for decades where my mother nurtured each artist as if they were blood relation.  She was able to fulfill her dreams as an artist building her IMDB credits in a long list of movies and television productions that filmed on the east coast. She was always determined and fully committed to joy regardless of any circumstance that surrounded her.  I watched her pick herself up repeatedly never allowing past or present to deter her future.     

No one is more generous.  Every time I would bring or send a gift of food or treats, she would share it with a neighbor or carry it to church to spread the love.  Her actors and multitude of friends in Norfolk adored her for this intense desire to treat others as you would have them treat you.  I remember her motto when I was a child. “If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”.  She has been true to that conviction and to this day never has negative things to say about people she knows.  That, in itself, is an astounding accomplishment.   

I learned racial equality and the love of humanity regardless of race, creed, or culture from my mother.  When her mother died her aunties and her nanny “Hattie”, a loving African American woman of color, raised her.  Hattie meant the world to Mama so much so that I feel as if I knew her in person myself.  Mama’s stories of Hattie’s affection and goodness make me long to wrap my arms around her in a big fat hug when I finally set eyes on her in heaven.  I pray she will be there to greet me along with my ancestors and family who made a difference in my life.

My mother is brave with a sense of justice. When I was around four or five, I remember watching through the storm glass window as she marched across the yard towards our alcoholic neighbor across the street.  Mrs. Fox was violently beating her young son in broad daylight.  Mama tackled the woman pulling her off the child.  That image of determined righteousness will never leave me.       

I thank my mother for modeling genuine empathy, intelligence, and kindness that I hopefully shared well with my daughters who are mothers now themselves.  There is a selflessness in motherhood so intense we allow our entire bodies to be usurped for the sake of the new life inside.  Parenting is the most honorable profession that exists.  And I do mean profession because it takes an extraordinary amount of work to do it right.  Mothers have historically carried the bulk of child and homecare with many women, like my mom, working outside the home as well.  I don’t begrudge her that desire to work.  It was in her DNA.  She didn’t go back to work full time until I was in mid elementary school and ultimately, she needed it to survive as a single mom.  She was heavily involved in the PTA and volunteered in the school library for as long as I can remember.  I felt her presence when it was most needed. 

Over the years there have been companies who have designated the average financial salary, if there were one, of a stay at home mother. In 2019 it was approximately $178,201 annually. 

I personally find that too low and cannot put a price on the value of a mother’s love and how it affects our society as a whole.  For good or for bad every infant grows to be a part of current culture and life on the planet.  Mothers and fathers who understand their value will see their commitment to nurture, guide and protect as the ultimate gift to pass on. The infamous wife of noble character in Proverbs is considered by many an amalgamation of traits to desire, not a reality in one woman.  Her industry seems a little too good to be true. However, I see my daughters skillfully balancing difficult work and the challenges of home.  I saw my mother work for a paycheck, entertain elegantly, manage the house and finances to the best of her ability, develop lasting friendships, and exude love with her children.  I see my life today spinning plates on every fingertip and having to learn and perform facets of daily living that were my husband’s sole responsibility before.  I juggle the heavy needs of my spouse, children, grandchildren, dog, extended family, friends, and finally myself.  It can be daunting. Maybe that Biblical tapestry of the superwoman is not so far off.  I see it often in my immediate and extended family and my closest girlfriends.  Women rock!  

I thank God I was blessed with a mother who taught me perseverance, independence, loyalty, and courage.  I would not be the person I am today without her influence.  As I live the role of caregiver for my husband in his present state of healing from Leukemia and stem cell transplant, I think often of my mom.  It has taken a kind of superhuman strength to manage the trauma as the months, soon to be years, tick by.  I remember her ability to overcome.  Her fortitude and resilience run in my veins.  The faith and relationship to Christ that bolsters me now was seeded by my mother every Sunday morning in our little neighborhood church.  She would belt out the hymns with tears streaming as she allowed the Lord to fill her up and unabashedly heal her heart.  

Mama is ninety-seven years young now with that same heart loving at full unconditional tilt.  She has survived the loss of her second husband as well as all five of her adult siblings, but with the help of my caregiving sister and family, she carries on.  She will always be an emotional smorgasbord easily triggered to tears, and I love her for this because we speak the same language.  Her empathy is on overdrive and her desire for the good of all resounds.   I can see her hazel green eyes dance with her signature optimism when we speak on the phone.  I told her I wanted to write a Mother’s Day blog as a special gift to honor her.  Lamenting over my tardiness she responded I should not worry, that whenever I posted she and all would receive and appreciate my message regardless.  Quintessential Mama.  

In retrospect it fits to post in June.  Mother’s Day really should be every day all year long and then some.  It is a well-deserved tribute that I bestow with gratitude to my most precious mother of all.  Love you forever my Mama! 

The Wife of Noble Character

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.

She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10-31 NIV